My mother died in 2007, which I’ve mentioned 2734 goats’ worth of times. My husband, Charlie, and I cleaned out her house because we couldn’t afford a cleaning service. And I heard him HOWLING with laughter not long after he started emptying the kitchen cabinets.
“Oh, my God, you’ve gotta see this,” Charlie bellowed.
I sail into the kitchen to find these little spongy things spilling out of a rather tiny drawer:
Yes…they are, in fact, Styrofoam meat trays. Yes, the packaging that hamburger, pork chops, steaks etc., live in, so to speak, until we buy them at your local grocer. Spongy trays that most people just toss into the rubbish. And there were literally, DOZENS of them squashed into a drawer big enough to hold 9 pencils and two glasses of water. Later, Max counted them for shits and giggles. There were 29 of various sizes.
Why the F#CK- did Mom keep them? To what end? Did she use them to make hats? Did they make good insulation for the drawers? Heaven forbid, please tell me, she DIDN’T REUSE THEM!?
Wait, no, knowing Mom, she collected them like UPC codes!! She was supposed to ship them to Logan Packing Company along with some rebate form for cash or mega coupons for GROUND ROUND…and she forgot…
OR – is this a side effect of TOO MUCH RETAIL THERAPY, perhaps?
Because the GOATS told her to? No, goats are herbivores…
Sorry. I’m just the wolf’s assistant (or something like that), hired to haul away junk. And I don’t think the ghosts did it. They’ve got too much to do in the creepy cellar with the dirt floor in the basement (YES, my parents’ house totally had a creepy cellar with ONE dusty window)…
Alas, we may never know the scandalous mystery of the meat tray STASH as it were…SO…
Or WAIT! I KNOW – did SOMEONE else put them there? JETHRO or was it BOB Lebowski?? Jeff, you know, what’s his name who lives in Santa Monica, plays guitar and forgets to cut his hair…yes, Jeff BRIDGES. No, he’s busy planning his takeover of the White House.
I don’t know what else to say…except…
LIFE’S TOO SHORT, and then you die with gum in your hair and raw MEAT china in your drawers.
Luv you, Mom…
HIPPIE Love and peace out TO ALL and to all a good NIGHT,
TENACIOUS fucking BITCH
and the black cat cobra she rode in on….:)
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© Tenacious Bitch 2013
