So, AFTER the initial batch of checks that Eli bounced, mentioned previously, I received a seemingly endless slew of notices announcing more ATM withdrawals/checks against our now HOLLOW joint account from him using the WRONG ATM card. The final total was $984.
However, my lawyer, Blaine Lexington, drew up a very reasonable settlement agreement requiring Eli PAY for his additional bounced checks/charges, and in exchange, I wouldn’t ask for alimony. Since he’d cheated on me, and he had no children to support, I had an excellent chance of getting alimony.
Apparently, Eli laughed at this proposal, to his detriment, I might add. You see, Eli, being the cheap bastard that he is, hired Lily Murano, who represented his employer in business matters. And Lily had NEVER handled a divorce before, LOL.
On the other hand, Blaine is the BEST divorce attorney in the state of Ohio, who charged $1500 for an uncontested divorce but I only paid $1100. Why? Well, Blaine’s wife, Felicia, is a friend of mine. We met at a paralegal seminar back in the late 80s. And Blaine allowed me to do a lot of the legwork on the divorce to help defray the cost as well. In fact, I drafted part of the settlement agreement…:)
And, truth be known, Eli actually owed me a lot more than $984. About a month before we moved to Ohio, he asked if he could use my Visa to open an Internet account with America Online, just to use the free 800 hours.
He didn’t have a Visa because he SAID his ex-wife went uber psycho during the divorce (wonder why 
?) and opened a Mastercard in HIS name and ran up more than $5,000 in purchases, a scant $2,000 over the limit within A WEEK, allegedly ruining his credit, and his Visa got cancelled because of his plummeting credit score. And now all he had was a Sears card.
“If it’s free, why do you need my Visa?” I asked.
“To validate my identity. You know, people would take advantage otherwise, and then AOL wouldn’t be able to collect any money without a credit card, and I can open another account with my business Visa after that. I just want to see if it’s worth the money.”
I nodded. “As long as you cancel it the SECOND the trial is over.”
“Absolutely.”
He was my husband. Why wouldn’t I trust him?
Two months later, he’d added $449 on my Visa bill from using AOL!! Back then, in 1995, AOL charged $3.99 per HALF hour for Internet service after the free trial ended.
However, Eli’s boss never approved the AOL expenditure. So, instead, Eli just kept chatting with other WOMEN and downloading PORN all day long on weekends and such on my FUCKING DIME.
I wondered why he so-loved AOL. I’d never even glanced at it. Sometimes, I could tell he was playing games by the noise of guns or whatever and the dialogue when he was playing his fav, the online version of Dungeons and Dragons…e-fracking gad! But since he worked nights, and I worked days, I had no idea just HOW MUCH time he’d spent online until it was too late.
However, after I found out he’d cheated on me (re: http://tenaciousbitch.com/2013/08/13/post-108-thank-you-fb-for-the-reminding-me-of-the-supreme-philanderer-and-my-check-kiting-days/ ), I SNOOPED on his PC, and not only did I find a cyber-sex conversation with Wolfbitch296, he’d saved on a Word file, but there were HUNDREDS of photos of naked women in leather masks who were shackled to a wall or, perhaps, secured with rope. Some were in elaborate costumes, save their large breasts tumbling out of what looked like PORT HOLES in body armor.
Some were on leashes on all fours. It was all rather disturbing, and I had NO CLUE that he would prematurely go WET, if you will, if I had slipped on some leather and assumed the position as a family pet. I would’ve laughed my ass off at the mere hint of anything like that because I’m not the least bit submissive. A lot of people are into that sort of thing, but it’s just not for me.
Though I cancelled his AOL account immediately, the bills just kept pouring in. And I destroyed half a dozen dishes/glasses and an ugly lamp lobbing one or the other at Eli’s head every time I exploded on him after opening yet another BLOATED Visa bill for 3/4 months. All tolled, the balance crested at $1100 over the limit because of the interest, late fees, and over-the-limit fees. He paid the MINIMUM payments until we split up, but after that, he paid ZIPPO because I allegedly charged more than that on his Sears card.
That was such bullshit. First of all, I, MYSELF, never charged one fucking cent on his Sears card, much less anything without permission. He offered to pay for new tile and new paint for my kitchen because my tile was 20 years old. He OFFERED to buy a new water heater on his Sears card when mine went kaput, so we could use my tax refund for our honeymoon. All of which was HIS idea. But the total on his Sears card was less than $1,000, so he didn’t even bother with that in court.
“It would cause an undue burden on your wife to pay the taxes on her home in West Virginia plus all the debut incurred during the marriage,” said Judge Bickely, a very attractive black woman in her 40s. “Therefore, I’m granting the Plaintiff’s Motion for Support, requiring that you pay the $1122 requested by the apartment community in unpaid rent after you relocated as well as-”
“But she asked me for a divorce!” Eli shouted.
“That doesn’t matter, Mr. Costanza, unless you’re contesting the divorce, which, clearly, you are not. And pipe down, or I’ll hold you in contempt. Now, if you don’t agree to your wife’s terms, you can pay $1,000 per month in alimony until she remarries. Your choice,” Judge Bickel said.
Eli glared sideways at me, then at his attorney, who whispered something to him. Then, like a good boy who can do the math, he finally agreed to my demands.
In the end, Eli was forced to pay a total more than $6,000 over 28 months, which included paying off my Visa AND the bounced checks as well. If he hadn’t, alimony would’ve cost around $40,000 by the time Charlie and I got married in 2000. I just love when the justice system actually WORKS, don’t you?
T’was all she wrote, ladies n gents, cuz the fat lady’s singing! And singing pretty. And I hadn’t thought about Eli for a decade until seeing his SURLY self on Facebook (mentioned in my last post).
Over and out from fracked up central,
Tenacious BITCH and her band of truth-spouting hippies…:)
© Tenacious Bitch 2013
