As many of you know, I’ve been taking care of my Grandmother, Nana Maude, for two years plus, after my drug addicted brother, Danny, pilfered her life savings (over $50K), a story that begins with this post:
http://tenaciousbitch.com/2011/03/16/danny-the-stolen-cash-and-the-stripper/
Then, Nana Maude moved in with me, my husband, Charlie, and our son, Max, who is almost 21. Our lives have been quasi miserable ever since. For those who aren’t familiar with the joy that is living with Nana, check out these posts:
http://tenaciousbitch.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/as-my-mother-lay-dying/
http://tenaciousbitch.com/2012/08/07/post-71-can-we-rewind-and-erase-please/
Aside from her nonstop griping, she frequently bad mouths us to anyone/everyone who will listen despite how much we’ve done for her like telling my mother-in-law that Charlie buys cheap meat, and that Nana wouldn’t buy DIRT at Kroger.
First of all, Kroger’s clerks are friendly and helpful, and contrary to Nana’s skewed version of reality, they carry high quality products while Publix where she “traded” for 50 years is more expensive. She just doesn’t like it because it’s “different”. I hated HER Publix because their organic food section couldn’t fill my sock drawer. But Nana, of course, would live on Ho-Ho’s and bacon if she could.
Secondly, New York strip or Hillshire Farms’ cold cuts are not CHEAP, so the “buying cheap meat” accusation is a load of horse hockey.
And this from a woman who’d be HOMELESS without us! Danny dumped her in a low-rent nursing home, and after the 21 days that Medicare paid for, it would’ve cost $100/day like she could afford that after Danny absconded all her cash.
Yet, one minute she’s thanking us profusely for everything, the next she’s whining about nothing and/or telling everyone/anyone she hates living here and – how she hates sitting in her room all day, which is my allegedly fault because I’m “upstairs working all day”. She knew that would be the case before she moved to Ohio. I can’t watch the Food Channel all day with her, ya know?
However, she cancels half her hair appointments and our proposed shopping trips, and I spend 4/5 hours/day cooking/cleaning/paying her bills, etc. I barely get to work 3 hours/day unless I work until 2:00 AM. I’m constantly suggesting she sit out back with me in the 80-degree weather, but she declines. So, she’s often in her room of her own volition.
ADDITIONALLY, when her clothing rack from Walmart collapsed, Charlie spent 3 hours the next day building her a closet!
If it weren’t for us, she’d be in a nursing home for the destitute. You know, the facilities that make headlines when people are found lying in their own filth for days on end.
Plus, we so love when she does decide to join us for dinner, so we can listen to her SIGH the whole time while we’re watching TV. But I’m sorry, old lady, that’s OUR TV, and after listening to you BITCH 24-7, we’re just not gonna watch Wheel of Fortune ANYMORE. So, if you don’t like THE WALKING DEAD or DEFIANCE, feel free to watch whatever you want in your room because we’re DONE trying to make you happy.
Therefore, when Nana’s house, sadly, was foreclosed on last month as the result of Danny’s many crimes, I immediately applied for Medicaid on Nana’s behalf. And, HALLELUJAH, it was APPROVED! Owning a $90,000 house though it was mortgaged for $110K (thanks to Danny) barred her from being eligible previously. We don’t know how much Medicaid will pay toward nursing home costs, but it’s likely they’ll pay 90% to 100%. We’ll know after completing yet another ream of paperwork.
I’m really DREADING that conversation with her considering what she said the FIRST time I mentioned a nursing home in this post:
http://tenaciousbitch.com/2011/03/28/the-theft-the-thug-and-more-mayhem-this-way-comes/
Additionally, we’re broke from the added expense of her living here. And if Charlie lost his job, we could be teetering on the threat of foreclosure ourselves in six/eight months because we’ve depleted our savings, mostly because of her.
I’ve also had to turn down a lot of work the last 2 years because I couldn’t make the client’s deadline, which just KILLS ME. One project, in particular, paid $5,000! But I don’t let on to Nana because she already feels a mountain of guilt for the burden she’s caused. Why make her feel worse? I just put on a happy face and rarely say a word.
It’s extremely frustrating as well to constantly write down really great ideas that could generate more freelance cashflow, knowing those ideas will gather dust in a notebook while I wait for our circumstances to change.
However, what I CAN’T say is that I have no life with her here. I can’t go see Charlie’s band play or go to the doctor without finding a “sitter”. I went shopping in West Virginia when Charlie’s band played there, and that was the first time I’d been to a mall in over a year.
She’s also depriving me and Charlie of what should be the best time of our lives. I thought when Max graduated, we’d have more time for ourselves. And I’d finally be able to focus ALL my time on my writing.
However, when her application for Medicaid was approved, I was literally giddy. And when that moment finally arrives when we know that we can, in fact, relocate Nana to a nursing home, I will be popping some champagne that hopefully won’t turn to vinegar from the remorse I’ll feel from kicking my mother’s mother to the curb, which is how she’s going to see it. At the same time, I don’t feel like living with us is the best place for her.
She 96 years old, and she won’t tell me when she’s hurt herself because she doesn’t want to bother me like when she scraped her shin on her recliner. She was bleeding all over the floor but didn’t say a word. But she wouldn’t hesitate to call a nurse if she were in a “home”.
She’s also fallen before when she was too far away from the monitor in her room, and I didn’t know it. She recently sat on her floor of her bathroom for almost two hours before Charlie got up and heard her calling for me. My family/friends have all been saying a rest home would be better for her, and soon – we’ll be chatting with Nana about that…
That said, arrivederci, everyone, and I shall keep you POSTED…:) no pun intended!
~TenaciousBITCH and her band of truth-spouting hippies…
© Tenacious Bitch 2013
