As mentioned previously, I started working at a large bank in March (2015), which I referred to as Mega Bank. I was recently downsized from this position a couple of weeks ago. But while I was there, one of my jobs was to obtain credit supplements. This involved ordering more detailed credit reports on a particular account or accounts held by one of our borrowers as part of the bank’s assessment of their credit worthiness when they applied for a business loan or something like that.
All too frequently, though they were advised NOT to do so, our customers would take out new credit during the loan process. At which point when the sales people made us aware of this new debt, the underwriter would request a supplement to get the particulars of a new tradeline. Such was done because people often lie about how much they might owe on a new vehicle or the current balance of a credit card, or they just don’t realize how much they owe.
Alternatively, they thought they owed $26,000 on their shiny new Prius, but they forgot about the $3000 they had to tack on to the new loan because they wrecked the Subaru a couple of years ago before trading it in for the Prius, which meant the Subaru’s trade-in value was about as much as, you know, a nice dinner at Outback Steakhouse.
Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea…
ANYWHO…On more than one occasion, when requesting verification of a new tradeline, invariably the same hilarious situation would happen with Intrinsic Information. They’re one of the third-party vendors who provided credit reports and credit supplements for Mega.
I’d frequently get an email from Intrinsic that stated:
DOCUMENTATION IS NEEDED TO COMPLETE YOUR REQUEST for a CREDIT SUPPLEMENT
I would usually call them, and EVERY single time, the conversation went like this:
“Thank you for calling Intrinsic Information. This is Gretchen, how can I help you today?”
“Hi, Gretchen, this is Kennedy from Mega Bank, and I just received an email that you all need some sort of documentation in order to complete the credit supplement I requested. However, the email doesn’t list the borrower’s name, the name of the creditor we were trying to verify or the loan number in question.”
“Do you have the report number?”
“I do. It’s 754xxxxxxxx.”
And their report # was of NO HELP to us in identifying which loan or which request they’re referring to because they don’t provide THEIR REPORT # when you asked for a supplement on their system. There’s just a message onscreen stating they’ll email you when the report is ready to download.
“Okay, I see. That’s for Jane and John Miller, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s correct, and we just need a verification of the tradeline for their new car.”
“Oh, I see, well, we need a bill from BMW or the account number,” Gretchen said in such a serious tone, it was all I could do to hold my breath for the 5 seconds it took me to reach across my desk and hit the MUTE button before I busted out laughing.
And, then, I’d hear her say, “Are you still there? Can you fax a bill to us?”
I’d collect myself and say, “Um, if we had a bill, we wouldn’t need the supplement.”
Dead silence from Gretchen. “Oh, well, uh…”
“All we know is that Mr. Miller bought a new BMW. He hasn’t gotten a bill yet. He doesn’t know the balance, but he said the payment was supposed to be around $400 a month. We need to obtain all that information before the underwriter will approve his loan.”
“I see,” Gretchen said, followed by, “Then, we need…”
I could hear the synapses firing as she struggled to MANUFACTURE A CLUE.
“Can you call BMW and ask them to fax an invoice or something to you, or maybe a copy of the contract?”
“We’ll need to talk to the borrower,” Gretchen replied. “And then we’ll set up a conference call with BMW.”
“All righty, then. I’ll have Mr. Miller call you. Thank you.”
It often made me wonder how in God’s name this company stayed in business. First of all, it’s bad customer service NOT to provide your customer with some sort of reference number. Those blind emails drove me crazy because I’d have to note on the borrower’s account that Intrinsic had emailed, so I had to call or email them in order to find out which freakin’ loan they were talking about.
I also pondered how Gretchen arrived at work every day with her shoes on. Since she seemed to be lacking in logical thought processes (and I spoke to her frequently), and logical thinking dictates shoes are required in the workplace. Thus, walking about the office in her socks waiting for her shoes to arrive just wouldn’t suffice…:)
And Gretchen wasn’t the only one who would send emails like that and then ask for documentation to basically verify the very information we had requested from THEM. There were several CSR’s that were that brilliant.
After spending way too much time on the phone with them answering stupid questions, I just decided in order to preserve my insanity, I’d just email them that we had no documentation. There’s only so many conversations one can conduct with those who have the I.Q. of a cactus before you begin wishing you could run them over with a tractor or that new Beemer that Mr. Miller just procured.
Yet, I’m the one who got the sack/downsized? E- F-ING GAD…
JUST HAD TO SHARE THE JOY!
Over and out______________________
~TenaciousB and her band of truth-spouting hippies
